Think of something you’re grateful for.

I’m not quite sure exactly how it happened, but apparently 2017 has become the year of Nutty Quits Being A Doughy Weakling And Goes All GI Jane On Fitness.

Okay, so that doughy weakling bit may be a bit unfair. I mean, it’s not like I’ve spent the last several years sitting around on my duff twiddling my thumbs instead of exercising. I’ve always done my best to keep active, occasional brief lapses aside.

That said, after the past several months I’m finding that what I would have considered a challenging workout back in January I can now only describe as laughable.

It all kind of started with nuts. Appropriate, I know.

Following my last dismissive walk-in clinic experience that resulted in, surprise surprise, no results, I did exactly what you’re not supposed to do and turned to good old Doctor Google for advice. Long story short, I began supplementing my diet with Brazil nuts because the selenium is supposed to hand-hold my stupid thyroid hormones and help them do their thing.

And holy shit, guys, IT’S ACTUALLY WORKING.

I mean, mornings are still the worst. Stress still aggravates my symptoms something fierce. I’m certainly not “cured” by any means, and don’t have any illusions that I ever will be. But I’m also not freezing cold all the time anymore, and more importantly, my muscles are no longer giving up on me well before my workout sessions have a chance to do me any real good.

I’ve gotten back just enough of the old Nutty to give me hope.

And I’m taking advantage of it. Every bit. In case it doesn’t last. In case something else gives out, like it always seems to. Knowing my luck, I’ll develop a selenium allergy and then we’ll be back at square one.

So in the meantime, I push. I push and I work and I sweat and I kick my own ass while I still can, and I’ll be goddamned if I’m not finally getting some results.

For the first time in a long time, I find myself instinctively coming up with more reasons to get my body moving than excuses not to.

It’s fucking fantastic.

I’ve started going to power yoga again. My crazy (in the best possible way) teacher likes to talk us through challenging poses by having us think of something we’re thankful for. In my first few weeks of class I considered all manner of things to whisk my mind away during these short moments of reflection; the wealth of natural beauty at my city’s doorstep; my love for Nutty Hubby; the simple enjoyment of a deep gulp of cool, thirst-quenching water…dear god I’d give my left fucking tit for some water right now…

Packed classes + relentless vinyasas = intense collective body heat = Nutty rehydrates a lot.

Me during Warrior III, every single time.

But then something shifted. I remember the exact day I noticed. I recall being smugly pleased with myself for having made it up into a handstand for two whole seconds, besting my previous record by…two whole seconds, probably. And as we moved on into my nemesis, Chair Pose, for once I didn’t automatically try to escape from the experience. I kept my breath slow and steady. I sank deeper into my leg muscles, relaxed my shoulders, and really goddamn went for it. I was the chair. Not a chair with a rickety leg or a loose seat or a missing rail. Just a regular ol’ chair, fuckin’ chairin’ it up.

“We’re going to be here a while,” came the soft voice of our teacher.
“Breathe. Think of something you’re grateful for.”

It came to me, unbidden.

I am grateful for this. Because right now, in this moment, I don’t feel broken.

And I started to cry, because it was true.
I never thought it would be true again.

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25 thoughts on “Think of something you’re grateful for.

  1. You must be doing the rocking chair pose because you rock.
    Okay, I promise I won’t subject you to any more terrible puns. It is amazing and wonderful that selenium, an element we only need in trace amounts, can make such a huge difference, although I think selenium only deserves part of the credit. Most of the credit goes to you for working so hard. The selenium wouldn’t make any difference without your effort.
    And thank you for the flashback to the cartoon Dangermouse and the message in Brazil nut code–“it’s jolly tough to crack”.
    Yeah, I lied about no more terrible puns.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I friggin LOVED this post! I can feel the truth and confidence and “gonna do it!” throughout. It’s motivating and makes me wicked happy for you. You’re not broken. and you’re not what u eat (nuts) even if they’re working for you.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Wow! That’s nucking futs! (Can you identify that pop culture reference?) Glad that you are able to do things again that make you feel better. Could that possibly translate into more nutty blog posts? One can always hope, as you know, you can’t eat just one nut without wanting more.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Working on it! My drafts folder is actually starting to look somewhat respectable again. I actually have another post almost ready to go, but I have to do some drawing for it (consider yourselves warned, everyone) and I just haven’t had the time. Soon(-ish)!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. And your blog title fits right in with your post –
    Speaking of nuts, I have a finicky gall bladder and nuts, for some reason, calm it right down when I am feeling queasy.
    If I remember right, you are in your 30s? So young to be having these troubles – I can understand that feeling of relief when one actually feels “normal.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Do iiiiiiit. If you need inspiration, check out Darebee.com. They’ve got a crazy huge database of free workout plans which have been great for helping me focus and figure out exactly how to attack the areas I need to work on. I’m in the middle of my second 30 day challenge right now and loving it.

      Liked by 1 person

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