A murder of zebu.

zebu
noun
1. A domesticated ox native to Asia and Africa, having a prominent hump on the back and a large dewlap. – The Free Dictionary¹
2. Tomato, tomahto. – The Nut

I’ll be at the 19th hole, drinking to forget.

yips
plural noun
1. Nervousness or tension that causes an athlete to fail to perform effectively, especially in missing short putts in golf. – The Free Dictionary¹
2. I meant to do that. – The Nut

Is it hot in here or is it just me?

xerophobia
noun
1. An abnormal fear of dryness and dry places, as deserts. – The Free Dictionary¹
2. Oh look, an outdoor sauna. Pass. – The Nut

How Julie Andrews made me a photographer.

whangdoodle
noun
1. A fanciful creature of undefined nature. – Collins Dictionary¹
2. Man, Julie Andrews really took that “the hills are alive with the sound of music” thing to heart. – The Nut

You look good for 0.00000013923175639159 galactic years.

vivify
verb
1. To make (someone or something) more lively or vivid. – Merriam-Webster¹
2. *currently busy dancing around the living room singing Happy Birthday to herself* – The Nut

Underwhelming Underwear

underwear
noun
1. Clothing or an article of clothing worn next to the skin and under other clothing. – Merriam-Webster¹
2. The perfect gift for simultaneously disappointing and insulting someone on a special occasion. – The Nut

No time left for tea.

tempus fugit
exclamation
1. Time flies (used to draw attention to the rapid passage of time). – Oxford Dictionaries¹
2. Latin for “Good god, I’m starting to sound old…” – The Nut

Keep calm and shhhhhhhhhhh.

stillness
noun
1. A state of freedom from storm or disturbance. – Merriam-Webster¹
2. “…” – The Nut

Seeing red, caring not.

red light
noun
1. A signal to stop, esp. a red traffic signal in a system of traffic lights. – Collins Dictionary¹
2. Stop? – Drivers
3. Yes. – The Law
4. Do I have to? – Drivers
5. Yes. – The Law
6. But I don’t want to. – Drivers
7. You still have to. – The Law
8. Are you sure? – Drivers
9. Yes. – The Law
10. Can I get a second opinion? – Drivers
11. No. – The Law
12. Why? – Drivers
13. Because THE FUCKING LAW, that’s why. – The Law

Welcome to the 100 Suckers Club.

So this just happened:

Needless to say, I’m very disappointed in all of you. Don’t you have anything better to do with your time?

Seriously though, you guys are awesome. I was floored when my followers even hit double digits, and now I’m sub-floored, positively basemented that I’ve managed to hit three digits in less than a year. You all have something very wrong with you, and I love you for it.

I’d love to give you some sort of award for willingly subscribing to my nonsensical ramblings, but all I have to offer is sarcasm and F bombs.

Here, you can all share that silver medal I got the year I didn’t suck quite as badly at skating as usual.

You’ve earned it.