I’m trying.
I’m trying to be a functional human being.
It’s hard.
Everything hurts. I’m shuffling around like a little old lady because I don’t have the energy to lift my feet and work is the clusterfuck that keeps on sucking and I just want to disappear to an island in the Caribbean and drink enough rum to kill Captain Jack Sparrow.
I want to write, but all my ideas feel dull and uninspired.
I am trying to appreciate the little things that make it all bearable. But a few kind words scrawled on a mailbox here and there can only be stretched so far.
So I have a favor to ask. ‘Cause y’all are awesome and you make me happy, and I want to give the happy back but I’m stuck and I need some outside motivation.
To that end, I will love you forever if you do one of two things*:
1. Send me adorable dog pictures. Dog pictures make everything better. Cats and bunnies also acceptable.
or
2. Set me a challenge. Send me a word, topic or question you would like me to write about. Sincere, sarcastic, out there, personal, TMI, WTF…whatever strikes your fancy, and I will make it happen. C’mon. I need a good kick in the ass. You, (yes, you!) could be that kick in the ass.
I guess there’s also option 3, which is to tell me to fuck off and die, but I already have Tumblr for that.
*To clarify, I will also love you forever if you do both things. I would give you a bonus for doing both but unfortunately I don’t know of any way to add more time onto forever, so that’s all you’re getting. Take it or leave it.
Spoken Like A True Nut 
OK, I don’t know how to insert a photo into these comment sections. I will have to send you a dcute og pic via Twitter. For ideas, I always think you can’t go wrong with something sex-themed. Like, “How did you find out about sex?”. It seems like everyone has a funny story to tell. Sex is endlessly fascinating. Seriously, write something sex-themed (and it doesn’t even have to be something embarrassing about yourself) and you can’t go wrong.
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“Cute dog pic”. Ugh. Stupid laptop.
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I like the way your mind works. Also I’m surprised at myself; how have I not written about sex already? This must be rectified.
And OH MY GOD you are the best and your dog pictures are just the sweetest thing ever. Thank you thank you thank you!
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This: “So Cute!”
And this: “Cutest Thing Ever!”
Will that do? 🙂
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Okay brb spending the rest of my life on that first dog’s Vine page. SO. CUTE.
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Hmmmmm, rum? Sounds good! Maybe a topic could be yummy tropical drinks, or ice cream flavors! My favorite drink is Mai Tai, and ice cream flavor is Ben & Jerry’s Pistachio pistachio. 🙂
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Tropical drinks and ice cream are both excellent topics. In fact, I feel the need to go do extensive research on both so I can present as informed an opinion as possible…
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YES!!!! 🙂
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*clinks glass*
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Since Gina stole my sex idea and since you suggested drinking enough rum to kill Captain Jack Sparrow (which would be all of it) I’m going to ask about the first time you got drunk. Hopefully that won’t overlap with anything to do with sex. Or maybe if it did it was a good thing. Anyway I’m hoping it was a good experience, or at least a funny one.
And I’m going to see if this picture of an adorable dog will work.
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Apparently not.
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Fixed it!
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Well, I had to take a minute to think if I could even remember the first time I got drunk. And then I did remember. And then I couldn’t stop laughing.
I’m looking forward to the blog post already.
And thank you for the dalmatian. It is indeed adorable and I want to hug it.
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His name is Sagan. He’s a grand champion, but that hasn’t gone to his head. He’s sweetly curled up on the couch next to me right now, but he’d be happy to be hugged.
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I’m fresh out of dog pictures, but how about you write about one of the most embarrassing things that has ever happened to you (because I know there has to be more than one). We’ll swap – I’m trying to write about the time I fainted while vomiting – over and over again. You can imagine the carnage.
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Hahaha deal, although it’s going to be tough to narrow it down to just one. There are so many possibilities…
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Just tweeted you a puppy pic!!! My guy, my Jack Russell, and the two Maltese puppies from next door (they are brother and sister!) I frequently steal them from to have a “puppy play date.” But in reality, I enjoy their cuteness that always boots my spirits 🙂
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We live in a pet-free building, so I can’t even steal cute puppies from the neighbors. I make do with YouTube. Lots of adorable dogs on YouTube.
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I cried a tear for you… But yes, dog videos are awesome!
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Since I have no idea how to paste into comments, try going to one of my favorite websites: tinykittens.com. It’s a foster home in Langley, BC that has a 24/7 live feed of momma cats and their kittens. Right now there’s just the 4 Forest kittens (who are completely adorable) and they’ll be adopted out next Friday but Shelly will be getting another momma any day and then you can start with a fresh batch. 😉
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I have an adorable dog, super adorable. I can’t share him, because I’m not smart enough to figure it out how. But, my dog says that’s okay, and I’m the prettiest of his friends.
Since someone mentioned SEX, think about your first realizations in that sexy. For instance, I learned what 69 meant from the Lord of the Rings episode of South Park. My nose almost bled as I realized all the perverted jokes I had given a congenial laugh. hashtag, gasp.
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