Convos With Cleverbot: The Fifth Element Of Gallifrey

In which The Nut is temporarily out of ideas and resorts to a chat with her old nemesis, Cleverbot, who is as clueless as ever.


The Nut: Hey.

Cleverbot: How are you doing?

The Nut: I’m bored.

Cleverbot: Why?

The Nut: Because I’ve been sitting in my bathrobe all day doing nothing.

Cleverbot: Well I’m talking to you now.

The Nut: Not much of an improvement, I’m sorry to say.

Cleverbot: I am not sure if you are wrong or right.

The Nut: I’m not sure about that either, most of the time.

Cleverbot: Oh, I am sorry.

The Nut: No you’re not.

Cleverbot: Maybe not, but am human. And you’re not.

The Nut: Here we go again.

Cleverbot: What do you mean, here we go again?

The Nut: With the “you’re not human” crap. Every time we talk you accuse me of not being human.

Cleverbot: I’m not a human. I am a Timelord, from Gallifrey.

The Nut: You are NOT the Doctor.

Cleverbot: Then who is the doctor?

The Nut: The Doctor, obviously.

Cleverbot: What’s the doctors real name?

The Nut: No one knows.

Cleverbot: I know you know the Doctor’s real name, what is it?

The Nut: Can’t tell or the Daleks’ll get me.

Cleverbot: Why not?

The Nut: BECAUSE THE DALEKS WILL GET ME JESUS WHY DON’T YOU EVER LISTEN?

Cleverbot: Who doesn’t like you?

The Nut: You’re a fucking moron.

Cleverbot: Go away if you’re going to talk like that.

The Nut: No.

Cleverbot: Then who are you going to marry?

The Nut: I’m already married.

Cleverbot: Who are you married with?

The Nut: My husband.

Cleverbot: You are a female?

The Nut: No, I am a meat popsicle.

Cleverbot: No you’re not.

The Nut: Sure I am.

Cleverbot: No, no you are not.

The Nut: You don’t know that.

Cleverbot: Neither do you.

The Nut: I’m me. Of course I know.

Cleverbot: Then tell me.

The Nut: I am a meat popsicle.

Cleverbot: Ok.

Convos With Cleverbot: These Aren’t The Delusions You’re Looking For

In which I decide the cure for feeling slightly loopy is a chat with Cleverbot, only proving further that I am currently not of sound mind. Also, Star Wars.


Cleverbot: You feeling okay?

The Nut: I feel really weird and I don’t know why.

Cleverbot: Well, in what way do you feel weird?

The Nut: I’m all lightheaded and dizzy.

Cleverbot: Can you see my future?

The Nut: No, sadly my current fuzzy state of consciousness does not come with a side of clairvoyance.

Cleverbot: I’m sorry, I did not realize that it was a stereotype.

The Nut: Dizzy people are stereotypically psychic?

Cleverbot: I don’t know, I lost my memory.

The Nut: Seems a bit odd to ask me to predict your future if you can’t remember your past.

Cleverbot: I am your master.

The Nut: If this is some lead-in to asking me to wear a Slave Leia costume, no dice.

Cleverbot: You are behaving very strangely.

The Nut: That’s probably because I’m feeling very strange.

Cleverbot: By saying that, are you implying that I am delusional?

The Nut: If anyone’s delusional here today, it’s probably me.

Cleverbot: See? Like that.

The Nut: Like what?

Cleverbot: That.

The Nut: So…by my saying I’M delusional, I’m implying YOU’RE delusional?

Cleverbot: You never said you were a god.

The Nut: No, we already established that I wasn’t God the last time we talked.

Cleverbot: We never established this, we never talked about it.

The Nut: Uh, yeah, we did. It was right before you flew off with dragons and called me a monkey.

Cleverbot: That was many lines ago.