Night of the zombie spider.

zombie
noun
1. A person held to resemble the so-called walking dead. – Merriam-Webster¹
2. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY WON’T YOU DIE? – The Nut

Rick + Benny sitting in a tree, never giving you up at double the speed.

Yakety Sax
song title
1. Best known as the Benny Hill theme song. Properties: Ability to make ANYTHING funny while listening to it. – Urban Dictionary¹
2. If you haven’t yet had the privilege of discovering Benny Hill This, then today’s your lucky day. – The Nut

That’s what xi said.

xi
noun
1. The fourteenth letter of the Greek alphabet. – Oxford Dictionaries¹
2. The easiest way of getting rid of that goddamn X tile in Scrabble. – The Nut

I’ve had the Timex of my life.

watch
noun
1. A small timepiece worn typically on a strap on one’s wrist. – Oxford Dictionaries¹
2. I still have one of these, I just keep it in my pocket now and call it an iPhone.
– The Nut

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

verbicide
noun
1. The willful distortion or depreciation of the original meaning of a word.
– Dictionary.com¹
2. Word crime. – The Nut

Let’s make this quick, I’ve got candles to blow out.

unbirthday
noun
1. Any day except one’s birthday. – Oxford Dictionaries¹
2. N/A. – The Nut

33.

thirty-three
adjective
1. Being three more than thirty. –Vocabulary.com¹
2. Being the number of years, minus two days, that the world has had to put up with me. – The Nut

Summer in April.

sprinkler
noun
1. A device perforated with small holes that is attached to a garden hose or watering can and used to spray plants, lawns, etc, with water. – Collins Dictionary¹
2. What I spent half my childhood running through, giggling like a moron. – The Nut

Regarding raptors on the Red Planet.

read
verb
1. Look at and comprehend the meaning of (written or printed matter) by interpreting the characters or symbols of which it is composed. – Oxford Dictionaries¹
2. Look at and comprehend the absolute wrong meaning of (printed material online) by scrolling down too quickly. – The Nut

Quat the heck is your problem?

quat
noun
1. A spot, pimple, or sty. – Collins Dictionary¹
2. Et tu, complexion? – The Nut