I have a little accordion folder of random bits of conversation that I either think up or overhear in passing and file away for later.
For some reason I always think they’re going to come in handy. Like I’ll be writing a story and be stuck on finding the right bit of dialogue for two characters, but *BOOM* my magic little accordion folder comes to the rescue with the absolute perfect one-liner for the situation.
This has yet to happen.
So around once a year I go through the thing, remove all the torn bits of paper with their random scrawlings, read them, toss out all the “Why the fuck did I think this was funny?” entries, and return the rest to the folder.
You know, just in case.
“WTF. My ex Tony became a fan of “Not being set on fire” on Facebook. How stupid can you be?”
“No kidding. I would never put my weaknesses on display like that.”
“…I have a lighter.”
“I have an alibi.”
“My IQ doesn’t know whether to go up or down right now.”
“What about her?”
“Nah, I slept with her back in college.”
“Wasn’t any good?”
“No, she was fine.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Do as I say, not who I’ve done.”
“Guess what? I’m in love!”
“Somebody get me a chair so I can fall off it.”
“I’ll have the fill-it mag-non.”
“You know, there’s a reason why the French hate you.”
“That’s a pretty stereotypical thing to say about Americans.”
“Not Americans, Bob. Just you.”
“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”
“For god’s sake stop. You sound like a chicken with Tourette’s.”
“Yes, it’s malfunctioning correctly.”
“I’m sure you’re an intelligent and honest man.”
“Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.”
“Your Honour, I’d like my next remark stricken from the record.”