Dial I for Irritated.

Because the universe is fully aware that annoying sounds are my biggest Achilles heel, the office ventilation system has recently begun making a noise that is 99% identical in pitch and quality to a telephone dial tone.

I have a love-hate relationship with dial tones. On the one hand they make me nostalgic for a time before texting. Hours spent twirling springy receiver cords in my fingers while chatting away to friends. Covert conversations with boyfriends on warm summer nights, sometimes lasting until dawn. Giddy, naive days of youthful abandon and no real problems.

But that was then. This is 2016, and my metamorphosis into a creature of fluent instant message and emoji has long since reached completion. These days, the only time I use a phone that actually has a dial tone is at work, and I don’t know about you but I feel like that takes the wind out of the ol’ nostalgia sails a little.

So at the end of the day, this whole air duct dial tone impression thing  is not only super annoying but also serving to remind me tenfold that I’m currently stuck in an office cubicle waiting for my coworker to go on lunch so I can pull out my phone and get down to business on this week’s Two Dots “treasure hunt”, because I am also a creature of apps and if I don’t get a better score than my friends on social media then what purpose is there to my life?


So…anyone know how to hang up a phone that doesn’t exist?







10 thoughts on “Dial I for Irritated.

  1. Don’t feel too bad–I rage-quit on the printer at work yesterday, because when it needs paper it beeps this high-pitched f*cking incessant beep until you feed it, and I was like, “I can HEAR you, you piece of sh*t. Can you just shut the f*ck up now?” Big goddamn baby. The printer. Not me. Lol

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hmm… Try pulling out all the cords until it stops ringing…?

    Our fax machine at work (yes, people still use faxes these days) makes a noise like a pigeon cooing whenever we’re about to receive a fax. It’s almost endearing.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I know people still use faxes these days, because I’m one of them. I think my workplace is half business, half charitable organization providing sanctuary for all the outdated technology of the world. And it’s our IT guy’s job to cobble it all together so that it still works somehow.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Have you heard about noise cancelling technology?
    That’s almost a joke but I can’t figure out what the punchline should be.
    I really wish I could help because I’ve always found the dial tone annoying. I’ve always hated talking on the phone to anyone, but it’s hard explaining to people that they shouldn’t take it personally.
    “It’s not you. It’s not me either, really. It’s this hard piece of plastic pressed against my ear that’s the problem.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • I used to love talking on the phone SO much. Even despite the hurty earpiece.
      But ever since technology gave me the option to deliver most messages in writing, the phone has suddenly become the biggest trigger for my social anxiety. I absolutely dread having to call anyone for any reason. I will sooner wear my hair in a mullet for three months than call my stylist to schedule a cut; I have to psych myself up for days before calling the doctor’s office to make an appointment.
      And when I send a professional email and the recipient phones me back instead of just writing a reply? OMFGWHYYYYYY. That’s not okay. That’s never okay.


  4. My computer at work has been making a humming noise. My son came to get me one day and ask me how I can stand that noise. Apparently, I have learned to block it out because I don’t hear it anymore. I guess it is similar to when my kids would yell, Mom, Mommy, Mama…….etc. What really made my ears perk up in this post was the reference to Two Dots app. I am an app addict and I have not heard of this. I will soon be playing I am sure.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Like Paula above my ears have also developed grizzle-cancelling technology (or maybe they’ve just grown callused) so I can block out whiny kids. To the extent that I fear sometimes I’m a bad parent and don’t realise they’re acting up, especially not a good look at a friend’s house. it works for many other noises too, especially if I’m concentrating on something, though if someone bitches about an annoying sound I will then hear it and it will piss me off too.
    And I have 2 apps I’m addicted to – scrabble and freecell. Nice to kill time while languishing in the school pickup line, and they are kinda brain training-y.

    Liked by 1 person

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