This is it. The big day.
Congratulations, America. You have succeeded in making me more terrified than I’ve ever been in my life.
For the love of god, please make my fears unfounded. Please.
If not for yourselves, then do it for your neighbors to the north and their hot Prime Minister. Do you really want to force nice guy Justin Trudeau to have to be diplomatic towards Sexual Harassment Oompa Loompa for the next several years?
I’m getting the hell off Facebook and Twitter, starting now. I can’t deal. I just can’t. If anyone needs me I’ll be in the corner, eyes squinted shut, fingers firmly in ears, singing “LALALALALA” until this whole shit show is over.
I’ll let you know if I’m still speaking to you tomorrow.