I have a Snapchat account for precisely two reasons:
- To receive entertaining photos and videos from a dear friend in Japan chronicling all the weird and wonderful things she sees and does there.
- To filter the everloving shit out of my face.
I have never used Snapchat’s “Discover” feature. I remember maybe once in a blue moon to actually check people’s stories. Seriously, I have Instagram for all that crap. JUST LET ME POKE MY FACE THROUGH VIRTUAL BREAD ALREADY.
Over the past couple of insomnia-riddled months, I’ve developed a nightly ritual of checking what new daily filters they’ve swapped in as I lie in bed wide awake at 3am. Here, Snapchat whispers seductively in my ear, try on some drag queen makeup. Why have regular boring old dark circles under your eyes when you could have FABULOUS dark circles?
I mean, you just can’t argue with that kind of logic. It’s a totally valid point. I could spend my sleepless hours staring miserably at the ceiling as my brain gleefully recalls the gory minutiae of every minor social blunder I’ve ever committed over my lifetime, or I could spend them admiring the sight of my own face covered in yellow butterflies. Or leopard print. Or twinkling stars. Or geriatric man wrinkles (with bonus liver spots).
The choice is clear. Bring on the liver spots.
Now, occasionally Snapchat’s facial recognition matrix and I have differing opinions regarding small details like exactly where my lips begin and end, or just how much I’m allowed to open or close my eyes before my virtual makeover morphs into a veritable freak show, but that’s cool. We’re still BFFs. I even voluntarily save screencaps of the more entertaining fails just in case anyone ever needs some quality blackmail material on me. Because I’m a giver.
Heck, if it’s a really boring night, I’ll intentionally do everything I can to break a filter just to amuse myself.
Then again, sometimes Snapchat is already one step ahead of me.
Observe, if you will, what happened to me the other night as I was playing with their temporary but always entertaining angel/devil switcheroo lens (results, predictably, run through Prisma, because the addiction is real, people).
I swear this was 100% completely unprovoked.
Like I said, Snapchat gets me.