You are getting sleepy, very sleepy…PSYCH!

Something has kicked my insomnia into tryhard mode. I can’t pinpoint the exact culprit(s) for 100% certain, but if and when I do, they will die a slow and horrible death.

YES PLEASE DO FEAR THE REAPER

I do have a theory that my new and improved super dose of thyroid medication may be at least partially responsible, though, in which case it’s technically already dying a slow and horrible death via ingestion and there’s really nothing more I can do to punish it beyond hurling verbal abuse into the bottle.

(Which I also may or may not do already.)

I can’t remember the last time I was this tired. For the past few weeks I’ve found myself nodding off in all sorts of inappropriate places in broad daylight thanks to my brain’s near complete inability to rest at night when it’s damn well supposed to.

As I type this my eyes are watering slightly from having to stay open under our harsh office lighting. There’s a murky doom fog rolling around in my brain that even the most aggressively strong cup of coffee can’t seem to chase away. I am only staying vertical by the power of miracles or unicorn dust or fairy jizz or whatever other arcane variable it is that keeps us humans going when by rights we should be keeling over.

And yet tonight, I guarantee I will be the widest-awakest person on the planet.

Snapchat filters and Dreamscope: because what else are you supposed to do at 4:30am on a work day?

I envy my husband, who can conk out practically on command.
I envy cats and their ability to squeeze in about 26.5 hours of dozing per day.
I envy the residents of Kalachi, Kazakhstan, whose mysterious sleeping sickness has been making weird news headlines since 2014.

That’s right, I’m mad jelly of a small village suffering from motherfucking mass carbon monoxide poisoning, that’s how much I’m craving a session of shut-eye that takes place during the honest-to-goodness wee hours of darkitude. That’s what this has come to. I would willingly breathe in goddamn poison if it meant that for once in my life I could sleep the immovable slumber of a cursed Disney princess.

You know what? Screw it. Where’s the nearest abandoned uranium mine? I’ll hike right down into the deepest darkest bowels of that fucker and set up a tent, if that’s what it takes.

And if any other members of the Dark Eye Circle club wanna join me, I say the more the merrier. Heck, we could go all out, set up an exclusive summer retreat for insomniacs. Camp WannaGetSomeShutEye. All the CO and s’mores your exhausted little heart can handle.

I love this idea. Ima go pack.

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17 thoughts on “You are getting sleepy, very sleepy…PSYCH!

  1. All our nights have come
    Here, but now they’re dawn.
    Husbands don’t fear the sleeper,
    Nor do your felines or the fishes,
    You can be like they are.
    Come on Nutlet,
    Don’t fear the sleeper,
    You’re hyperactive,
    Don’t fear the sleeper,
    You’ll be able to dream,
    Don’t fear the sleeper,
    Get radioactive.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I haven’t had a bout of insomnia in a while, and this sounds horrible, but I actually really like having insomnia. yes, I’m tired AF all day, and irritable, but my brain gets really creative at night. I get all these great ideas at 4am, and the house is nice and quiet.

    Liked by 1 person

    • If it weren’t for my hypothyroidism I would tend to agree with you. I’ve always been a night owl; would much rather go to sleep at dawn than wake up with it. But unfortunately since my thyroid crapped out on me, inadequate sleep means pain and more pain. Being wide-eyed at 4am comes at the price of not being able to move my neck more than a fraction of a degree by noon. I wish I could enjoy sleepless nights like I used to in my lithe teenager days, but alas, it is no longer the way of the Nut.

      Like

    • I wish I could blame napping for my absence, but really I’m just super bad at updating the ol’ blog these days. I have a bunch of drafts started but that “my own worst critic” voice in the back of my head is convinced they’re all crap.

      So yeah.

      Like

  3. I’m one of those people that can fall asleep on a dime, but the flipside is that caffeine doesn’t work on me. I can down a Monster and still fall asleep 20 minutes later. 😦 In fact, some days caffeine makes me MORE tired. I was hoping that a full summer of sleeping whenever the hell I want would have restored my energy, but I think I’ve just come to the realization that this is life now, being 30, haha.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, it’s like someone flips a switch when you hit thirty and suddenly all your sleep and exercise and good eating habits count for 50% less. I wish they’d hurry up with all the futuristic medical nanotechnology or whatever so I can just have my sixteen year old body back.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Insomnia = HELL! I’m so sorry! My dad always said that if I had trouble sleeping, I should just read his dissertation… Instant sleep. 😉

    On a serious note, have you tried meditation? When I have trouble sleeping, I run through a list of things I’m thankful for and I’m out before I get to #10. I have also tried reviewing my day in reverse. I don’t usually make it to dinner. Another idea is a hot salt bath just before bed (epsom salts, himilayan salt, lavender oil, and baking soda). Baths are nice no matter what. 🙂

    I too have a thyroid issue, but synthroid (levothyroxin) did nothing for my symptoms (like cold hands/feet and exhaustion – insomnia is likely a symptom of the underactive thyroid and not the meds). Armour is working well for me, but I find sunshine to be an even better cure for sleeplessness. Here’s something you can listen to while you’re unable to sleep: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_ERDxxzvQE. Here’s one you can read: http://solarhealing.com/. I started the practice in May and I’m addicted! I sleep much better at night and have more energy during the day.

    Another option would be to see if there are foods you are allergic/sensitive to. That can exacerbate thyroid issues. My thyroid problem arises from Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and eliminating gluten has reduced my antibodies from >600 to <190 in 18 months. Common allergens include:

    Soy (unfermented)
    Gluten
    Peanuts
    Corn

    I have found that most health issues arise in the gut, so increasing pre- and pro-biotics can help in many cases (besides the fact that your immune system will kick ass!). Check out http://www.culturedfoodlife.com.

    I hope you find the cure – and fast!
    Peace and light,
    C

    Like

    • I know you mean well, but if I have one more person tell me I should just try meditating or take a soak in the tub…lol.

      Basically I have all the tell-tale signs that my significantly upped med dosage has put me slightly hyperthyroid instead of hypo, which has happened with me before, and which would explain why I spend my nights wide-eyed staring at the ceiling in the dark wondering if I somehow have electricity running through my veins instead of blood. Some adjusting and all will be well.

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  5. Shit honey. That sounds awful! My naturopath gave me 400mg of magnesium bisglycinate at bedtime and that has helped me a lot (if it doesn’t interfere with your other meds). I think carbon monoxide poisoning should be tried AFTER that although the s’mores does make it tempting. Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

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