An open letter to the douchetwizzle in the elevator of our Kyoto hotel.

1. A feeling of appreciation or thanks.Merriam-Webster1
2. Something that needs to be beaten into some people, apparently. – The Nut

Dear Sir,

I’m sorry you scheduled a trip to Japan during cherry blossom season only to arrive and find the streets lined with cherry blossoms.

It must have been such a letdown, especially since, as you announced so scornfully to your traveling companion, “I didn’t need to pay thousands of dollars to fly halfway around the world to see cherry blossoms, you know. We have a bunch of those at home.”

Well, didn’t I just feel like a proper idiot when I realized we had cherry blossoms in my hometown as well! What dolts Nutty Hubby and I were to make plans to celebrate spring in another country when spring was also available in our own back yard, and for much cheaper!

You know, a friend of mine had been thinking about visiting China to see the Great Wall, but thanks to your irrefutable logic I was luckily able to talk her out of it, as obviously we already have a more than adequate selection of walls available to visit locally.

Not to mention I am now seriously regretting that ¥400 I spent on admission to a Japanese Zen garden when rocks are in plentiful supply, and for free, practically everywhere you go in Vancouver. Just think of the money I could have saved by staying home and reminiscing about the gravel driveway of the house I grew up in!

I’d order a glass of sake from the hotel bar to drown my sorrows, but the BC Liquor store down the street from my apartment stocks that too.

Now, you won’t believe this, but we even have people like you in my city. That’s right, like the clod I am, I flew all the way across an ocean to listen to an entitled wiener like your esteemed self complain about how nothing is or ever will be good enough for your discriminating taste, when I could’ve just stood outside the Kitsilano Whole Foods and had the same joyful experience.

Bless you, sir, you have opened my eyes; for my next vacation, I’m going into space.

I hear that out there, they can’t hear you scream.

Today’s blog post was brought to you by the letter G, the number 710, and the Why Bother Searching For Other Habitable Planets In Our Universe When We Have One Right Here Challenge, AKA the Blogging A to Z Challenge.

1 “gratitude.” Merriam-Webster, 2016. Web. 8 April 2016.


16 thoughts on “An open letter to the douchetwizzle in the elevator of our Kyoto hotel.

  1. I hope we get “The Nut” re-definitions through the entirety of the challenge! You even provide the proper citation format to Merriam-Webster. I’m impressed, guessing you are highly educated or an English major at the very least.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Glad you’re enjoying the re-definition format. I tried it out for my A to Z last year and it seemed to work out pretty well, so I figured why mess with a good thing?

      And yeah, two university degrees will beat the importance of proper citation format into you pretty thoroughly.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. 😀 A Canuck! A Canuck! Oh how ducky 😀

    sorry …. things are getting a bit nutty here – cause way back East … it’s still cold and snowing…. although I did see some image on the news the other day showing the cheery blossoms in … oh damn, escapes me now …. some suburb of Vancouver. But I once upon a time, traveled overland from East of Ontario …. to B.C. and arrived in time for the flowers …. and yeah, it is awesome. Don’t have the climate where I’m living, but there are other backyard treasures.

    As for traveling and meeting the as by your leave obnoxiousites who are never satisfied? Well, hey, they are always the ones who have the means and good fortune to see the world …. when they should be nailed to a really uncomfortable armchair and should be forced to watch an endless loop of someone mindlessly making a peanut butter sandwich. No dialogue. Plain set. Repeat.

    Hope you have a wonderful vacation and enjoy it all, even when crossing paths with the dunderheads of the world.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Too funny! Some people really just can’t enjoy anything.

    Good luck on the rest of the challenge! We’re doing “I’ve Got The Music In Me” this year on The Road We’ve Shared. – looking at how important music is in the Down syndrome community. I hope you’ll stop by and see/hear!


  4. B is for Bravo! I have been wanting to go see the cherry blossoms for my whole life. This morning, we were talking about maybe making that happen in the next 2 years… Would love to hear more about your trip! We do have fabulous spring flowers right here (and the Van botanicals are fabulous!), but uh… duh, Japan. Douche gonna be douche, wherever you go. (I’m in Bellingham, just across the water from you 😉 )

    Liked by 1 person

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