Jingle Butts

I don’t know why I’ve been so exhausted lately. Workwise I don’t really have any more on my plate than I did in November; lifewise, ditto. My Christmas shopping is done, gifts are wrapped and under the tree, party obligations fulfilled. Nothing left but to gorge myself on eggnog and imported iced gingerbread.

Despite all this, my body is acting like I just ran back-to-back Tough Mudders or something, because apparently if I can’t give it a legitimate excuse to complain then it’ll damn well just make one up.

Because it’s a douche.

So I grabbed a Groupon and hauled my douchey body to the spa to have a much too friendly and energetic lady beat the everloving shit out of it treat it to a nice, restorative deep tissue massage.

But before we got started, I paid their washroom a visit and was greeted by this:

I just love it when businesses find creative ways to incorporate their spare toilet paper into the decor.

Here we have all the makings of a great festive holiday basket: a bed of terrycloth and fragrant potpourri; a bare tree branch, signifying the bleak sparseness of winter; a handful of sturdy pine cones whose seeds will bring forth new life in the coming year; a roll of bathroom tissue, symbolic of pure white snow and the future act of writing one’s name in it…


Okay, so it’s not exactly a museum-worthy work of toilet tissue art, but points for trying, right?

I do think the spa could elevate their decor efforts even further with the right choice of soundtrack. The standard soft flute melodies and rainforest noises they tend to favor are pretty, but predictable.

In my opinion you can never go wrong with a return to the classics. Personally, I think a little “Air on the G String” would complement their chosen theme perfectly.

See? Lovely.

6 thoughts on “Jingle Butts

  1. Wow. On one level, I want that 2.27 minutes of my life back, but at the same time, no regrets. I may just watch it again, you know, to show someone else. 😀

    Oh, and who doesn’t love a creative bog roll display. Subtle, really subtle.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re absolutely right, the holly is missing. It’s no fun just leaving the spare toilet roll out for any old person to grab; you need to create a Saw-like trap out of festive pointy shrubbery to add a challenge and make sure they’re worthy.


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