Normally I turn my nose up at getting out the Christmas decorations before December 1st, but as the weather forecast for the next week is looking very shitty indeed, I figured I should at least put the outdoor lights up this weekend so I wouldn’t have to do it in the freezing rain later on.
I was going to stop at the lights, but of course once I got those done I felt very accomplished and pleased with myself, so before I knew it I was back up on the stepladder in the closet sorting through boxes and bags to see what else I could get a head start on.
Long story short, it’s November 29th and we’re just a plate of cookies and a glass of milk shy of Santa breaking and entering in order to skulk around under our tiny tree.
I even dropped by Pier 1 before decorating the tree and added four new birds and two deer to my ornament menagerie, because Christmas isn’t Christmas without eighteen pairs of adorable eyes peeking out at you from your fake fir branches.
I realized after the fact that it was actually a really good idea to set the tree up early, because it turns out adorably crafty birds made of twigs and burlap and straw are much cuter to look at than that one derpy light on our color-changing LEDs that refuses to turn green anymore.
I don’t know why I named the derpy light Carl. It’s just one of those things that wandered into my head and happened to stick.
Anyway, you’re an asshole, Carl.