8 ball, aisle seat pocket.

I was really, really excited for our upcoming trip to Japan.

This morning I had to make a conscious effort not to gloat to my coworkers that it was the last day before I was officially on vacation. (You don’t want to brag to colleagues about stuff like that, because they’re the ones who’ll get the last laugh when your brief fling with paradise ends and you have to drag your sorry ass back to the office.)

I’ve been 99% packed for almost a week.

I’ve got all my travel essentials laid out for inspection, so little anxious me can look over them obsessively and reassure myself that I’m not forgetting anything.

I was fuckin’ pumped, y’all. I was so friggin’ ready to get on that plane.

And then I had to go and ruin it all by going online and checking the airline’s list of restricted baggage items to make certain I wasn’t unwittingly attempting to bring anything confiscatable on board the plane.

Guys, I am so disappointed.

Billiard cues are prohibited in the cabin.

I’m…I’m sorry, old friend. You’ll have to sit this trip out.

I don’t know how they can do this to me. No 8-ball? No 9-ball? NO SNOOKER? WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO FOR TEN HOURS NOW?

Goddammit. I guess Nutty Hubby and I will just have to pass the time having kinky mile-high sex in the lav- oh son of a bitch, I probably can’t bring handcuffs either, can I?

*scans list*



Maybe this whole trip was a bad idea. I mean, if you can’t play pool and engage in a little light bondage on an international flight, then what’s the point?

Oh, wait, they allow ice skates.

Phew. For a minute there I didn’t think I was going to get to have any fun.


13 thoughts on “8 ball, aisle seat pocket.

  1. Well, if they let you bring your billiards cue, then everyone else will too and then it will take too long for the game to end, even for an international flight!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh man, I would totally want to buy this (dammit, I can’t insert photos) http://amzn.com/B003YHF3HQ
    for the tiny pool stick so I could wave it around like, “Ha, ha, you can’t stop me motherfuckers!”. And also that would make for an awesome quote when it’s reported on the news later (“Insane woman arrested for bringing dangerous weapon on board international flight”).

    Liked by 1 person

  3. In my experience a single game of snooker takes more than ten hours anyway, at least the way my friends and I played. I’m sure the games go a lot faster if you’re Ronnie O’Sullivan or Karen Corr or “Interesting” Steve Davis. (YES, AIRLINES, I FOLLOW PROFESSIONAL BILLIARDS. You can stop me from bringing a pool cue on board but you can’t stop me from thinking about it!)

    On the bright side they won’t allow more than three ounces of lube and if you’re going to have kinky sex involving pool cues you’re going to need a lot more than that.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Well shit, I take it back. | Spoken Like A True Nut

  5. Awesome, Japan! My bitch of a sister (kidding-I’m just jealous!) just came back from a week over there. I guess judging by your next post you’re already on the way but on the flight back for something to do why dont you bring back a couple of those sumo fat suits and have a bouncy bust-up in the aisle? Whoever wins gets to pilot the plane for a while. If they can reach the controls while wearing a giant sumo suit. Plus if you crash, you’ll be okay because you’re wearing a full body crash helmet!

    Liked by 1 person

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