Thanks but no thanks for the memories, part 2: Fine, I’ll let this one slide.

Judging by what it decides to show me in my suggested memories, I’m estimating that Facebook thinks 99.9% of my life is devoted entirely to memes. (The other 0.1% is fresh tomatoes.)

Under normal circumstances this irks me more than a little, because when I go look at other possible memories from their selected dates, there’s almost always something far more interesting and personally meaningful available that they could have chosen, but didn’t. Apparently whatever algorithm they use has decided that angry kittens and bad Iron Man puns are more integral to my life’s history than anything remotely original that little ol’ me has to say.

You can’t help but feel a little slighted.

But, as always, exceptions can be made.
The other day they threw one at me that I had to forgive. Because I still can’t stop fucking laughing.

This is the stupidest thing they’ve ever decided I might want to remember, and I love them for it. Because I repeat: I. can’t. stop. fucking. laughing.

I’m sure no one else will find this anywhere near as hilarious as I do. I sat here for a while debating whether or not to post it, because there’s a good chance I’m the only person in the world who thinks it’s even remotely funny.

Of course then I posted it anyway, because this is my blog and you can’t tell me what to do.*

It’s the complete lack of context that got me. There was originally a status update that went with this, but surprise surprise, they conveniently left it off.

So when it popped up in my news feed and I couldn’t remember why the fuck I even posted it those two years ago, my brain went ahead and filled in the missing info with the most ridiculous thing it could come up with, which was the idea of me just casually going around glee-sobbing my way through all of 2013 for no particular reason. And go figure, before I knew it the thought had me laughing so hard I cried.

Is Facebook showing me memories or self-fulfilling prophecies?

*Also I may have had a bottle glass or two of wine and my judgement of what constitutes an acceptable blog post may be slightly impaired.

13 thoughts on “Thanks but no thanks for the memories, part 2: Fine, I’ll let this one slide.

  1. I like the pic, context free. I can see why this would strike you as funny! Facebook has a habit of reminding me of past relationships – it once picked literally the only photo I had of an ex on Facebook. Thanks, fuckers. xo


  2. According to Facebook Memories, October 23 is the worst day of every year for me. For the past six years, I’ve been sick, grumpy, or had something (minorly) unfortunate happen to me on that date. Apparently, the 23rd of October is my Ides of March.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh man, I’m not on Facebook. I’m missing so much! Kidding. I miss nothing. But it would be kind of funny to have random shit from my past just show up with no explanation. But that’s why dreams exist kiddos…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I remember when Facebook started suggesting people I might want to date and I was confused by that because it knows I’m married and my spouse is also on Facebook, making it the worst possible place for discreet hook-ups. And also the “suggestion” had the profile picture of a friend who was not only a guy but whose profile pic was a hilarious drawing that looked nothing like him. And if I wanted to date my friends why would I need Facebook to suggest that I should?
    What I’m getting at is that as much as I like your idea that the programmers just like to fuck with people I think the sad reality is they’re throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks.
    And why can’t that bizarre dating suggestion be something that comes up as a memory?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha. I’ve been using FB Purity for a while now because I can’t abide Facebook’s clutter, so I didn’t even know they had delved into matchmaking. But I do remember the targeted ads used to amuse me back when I was getting married.

      First we got engaged, and I got ads for engagement rings.
      As I started posting about wedding planning, I got ads for local florists and wedding photographers.
      And after we got married, I…still got ads for wedding photographers.
      For over a year.
      I’d expected them to start showing me ads for baby items or mortgages or something else that married people are supposed to be concerned with, but no, they just really really REALLY wanted to make sure I’d gotten enough photos of my wedding.

      Liked by 1 person

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