F bombs away.

1. Used alone or as a noun or verb in various phrases to express annoyance, contempt, or impatience.Oxford Dictionaries1
2. The best fucking word ever. – The Nut

So far I’m liking this A to Z challenge thing. It’s been refreshing to have objectives and deadlines and actually think about what I’m writing for a change instead of just winging it whenever a random idea comes into my head.

But the problem with me actually thinking about my writing is that my habitual swears, which come so naturally when I’m in stream of consciousness mode, are conspicuously absent for the most part when I put down words deliberately.

And that just won’t fucking do.

Because I enjoy the famous F word more than any human being really has any right to. Among friends, it’s peppered throughout my usual speech with a frequency that might befit an entire fleet’s worth of sailors. Wikipedia claims 2013’s The Wolf of Wall Street set the record for most uses of “fuck” in a non-documentary Hollywood feature with at least 506 instances in three hours, which works out to about 2.8 fucks per minute.

That sounds about average to me.

I heard the word for the first time when I was six. Trisha Armstrong, who had a mischievous streak to her, leaned over in class as we were creating geometric designs with pattern blocks (oh man, remember those?) and whispered, “Say ‘cuff’ backwards.”

“What?” I whispered back.

“What’s ‘cuff’ backwards?”

“Um, I don’t know. Ffuc?” I was clearly missing something.

“Haha! You said a bad word.”

“I did?”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

Neither would I. I still had no fucking idea what I’d said.

It wasn’t until years later, when I started hearing the word uttered with increasing frequency by movie characters, friends, and occasionally my father when he forgot himself in bad traffic, that I realized its potential. Trisha had jokingly introduced me to one of the greatest gifts I would ever receive, and I had been oblivious. It was finally time to unwrap this treasure and bask in its profane multi-purpose glory.


My mother was none too pleased when my usage became prolific enough to accidentally let a “fuck” or two slip within her earshot. “You’re too smart to be talking like that,” she chided. “Educated people don’t swear.”

Yeah, about that. Last I checked, I had two motherfucking university degrees that say different.

And really, since one of those degrees was in linguistics, it’s almost my duty to champion slang and its continuing evolution to help keep the douchecanoe bowdlerizers of the world from rendering our written works fuck-free and sterile.

It would be a sad world indeed without all the fucking.

So I figured I needed to devote at least one post of the challenge to giving a fuck or twenty. It’s the least I can do after all the fucks I didn’t give during March.

And all the ducks that AutoCorrect thought I did.

Today’s blog post was brought to you by the letter F, the number 4, and the FuckTheFuckingFuckers Challenge, AKA the Blogging A to Z Challenge.

1 “fuck.” OxfordDictionaries.com. Oxford Dictionaries, 2015. Web. 7 April 2015.


27 thoughts on “F bombs away.

  1. Sometimes no other word will do. To borrow a line from Buddy Hackett if you drop an anvil on your foot you’re not going to say, “Spring is here!”
    Of course there was the time when I was a kid and my mother was treating a cut and I yelled, “That iodine stings like a motherfucker!” She asked, “Where did you learn that word?” I said, “Well it says ‘iodine’ right on the bottle.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Stephen Fry swears and I idolize that man!

    I fucking love this post and if it wasn’t ticking towards 1am, I’d watch that video a bit longer too, that cat is awesome.

    I followed you from your comment on Rubber Shoes In Hell and so glad I did, hehe. Keep up the profanity!

    Liked by 2 people

    • When I first started this blog I briefly entertained the idea of keeping it clean. For about two seconds. Then I laughed and laughed…

      After all the fuck-less high school and university papers I’ve had to write over the years (including a 75 page master’s dissertation; how I managed that I’ll never know), there was pretty much no way in hell that any non-academic writing I did was going to be anything but a minefield of swears.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ok, that was the best fucking post EVER! I did not know that there were 28-fucks-per-minute in the Wolf of Wall Street and THAT is one of the best reasons to watch a movie if ever I heard one.

    Also, I’m pretty sure someone overheard my mother in the car on one of her tirades when they first made that “Fuck you, you fucking FUCK!” t-shirt (as worn by Rooney Mara as Lisbeth Salander in “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”; the pic of which I was tragically unable to paste here).

    The fuckyoucat gif was a super-nice touch. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It makes me so sad that Japanese does not have an equivalent to fuck. They have one for shit (Kuso!) but nothing for the ultimate swear, that beautiful curse.

    Liked by 1 person

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