1. Thin strips of salted and smoked meat from the sides and the back of a pig.
2. 40% saturated fat in a conveniently portable crispy stick of sodium-laden porkflesh.
– The Nut
Bacon is overrated. There, I said it.
*waits as 99% of her readers quietly unsubscribe*
Look, I like bacon crumbles on my baked potato as much as the next person. Club sandwich? Yum. Bacon-wrapped scallops? OMG, sheer genius. I understand perfectly well that bacon in moderate quantities can be delicious. But bacon bowls? Bacon-wrapped pizza? Bacon-blanketed Thanksgiving turkey? Aren’t we getting just a touch carried away?
About six years ago I ended a nearly decade-long streak of vegetarianism after my body decided that I wasn’t going to make it through the stresses of grad school without meating it up.
Can you make an educated guess as to the first question anyone asks me when they find out I used to be a veggie?
“Was it bacon that lured you back? It was bacon, wasn’t it?” Hope sparkles in their eyes. They lean in conspiratorially as if we are sharing some great secret of the cosmos.
No. It wasn’t motherfucking bacon. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
I just don’t get it. I know my husband’s a fan. On the rare occasion we go out for breakfast, I wordlessly pass him my bacon and silently judge him as he happily crunches away at his pile of salty pig fat strips.
I see at least one post about bacon in my Facebook feed each day, down from the dozen there used to be before I hid the guy whose entire wall was Bacon Central Station of the Local Universe.
I. Do. Not. Understand.
I’ve tried. I’ve made every effort to give bacon a fair chance as a food in its own right. But I always come away still mystified by its seemingly global appeal, and also somewhat thirsty.
So I have to ask, is it actual bacon, or is it the idea of bacon that we’re really so in love with here?
Before you answer that, go take a look at the Bacon Coffin. No, it’s not a joke. In fact the company has gone to great lengths to plead its not-a-jokeness to an unconvinced public.
And no, it’s not made of real bacon, but how much difference do you think that will make once Uncle Bill gets a few 6-packs of beer into him at the wake?
“Bill, please stop licking the casket.”
“Dammit woman, you grieve your way, and I’ll grieve mine.”
Today’s blog post was brought to you by the letter B, the number 1,999.oo, and the ICan’tBelieveI’mWritingAboutBacon Challenge, AKA the Blogging A to Z Challenge.
1 “bacon.” Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, 2015. Web. 2 April 2015.