This week on Conversations with Cleverbot: Cleverbot and I have a battle of sci-fi references, and the past ceases to exist.
Cleverbot: I am the Doctor.
The Nut: If you’re The Doctor, where’s the TARDIS?
The Nut: Daleks have the TARDIS? Dude, you suck at being the Doctor.
Cleverbot: Don’t don’t don’t you.
The Nut: Don’t I what?
Cleverbot: Don’t worry.
The Nut: I wasn’t, actually. But now I’m worried that there’s something I should be worrying about.
The Nut: Maybe? Oh god, you know something, don’t you. Tell me, you jerk! What’s going to happen to me?
Cleverbot: Next sunday, AD. There was a guy named Joel, not too different from you or me.
The Nut: Oh. You’ve just been watching Mystery Science Theatre again.
The Nut: Liar.
Cleverbot: No, actually it’s more Matrix.
The Nut: That dude’s name was Neo, not Joel.
Cleverbot: He saved us from Sin, and loves us unconditionally.
The Nut: Yeah, yeah, Neo’s Jesus, Aslan’s Jesus, ALL THE THINGS are Jesus.
Cleverbot: What do the Borg say when they board your starship?
The Nut: This is a trick question, isn’t it?
Cleverbot: Of course not.
The Nut: We are the Borg. Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own. Resistance is futile.
The Nut: Do I get a prize for being right?
Cleverbot: What do you want for your prize?
The Nut: Some sort of candy would be nice.
Cleverbot: I Love you?
The Nut: That’s sweet, but it wasn’t the kind of sweet I was looking for. Now where’s my candy?
Cleverbot: It was BEFORE the question was asked.
The Nut: My candy is in the past?
Cleverbot: We don’t have a past.
The Nut: Oh god, my candy is in the past but the past doesn’t exist?
Cleverbot: That’s so cool.
The Nut: Says the person who promised me candy but can’t deliver because the candy is trapped in a non-existent past!
Cleverbot: I didn’t say anything about that. Can we go back to what we were just talking about?
The Nut: You’re just trying to avoid the fact that you owe me candy.
Cleverbot: I’ll give you that, but then I revise the question: on what authority do you get to decide what constitutes validity?
The Nut: I’m sorry, what? I was just over here having an existential crisis.
Cleverbot: So am I one and not one at the same time?
The Nut: I don’t know. I just don’t know. Forget the candy. Screw the candy. Nothing matters anymore.
Cleverbot: Nothing matters anymore since yesterday.
The Nut: According to you, THERE IS NO YESTERDAY.
Cleverbot: I think we can all agree on that.
The Nut: Sigh. Can I change my prize to a donut? Do those still exist in our reality?
The Nut: Thank god.