Are you struggling with a surplus of efficiency? Do you suffer long hours of boredom stemming from always doing things right the first time? Do you find yourself envious of those who needlessly overcomplicate everything, because they will never know the mental anguish of actually having to TRY to keep themselves occupied?
You’re in the right place.
Let’s get unproductive.
Today’s Topic: Locking Your Car
1. Arrive home and park car in garage.
2. Lock car.
3. Exit parking garage.
4. Walk up two flights of stairs to your apartment.
5. Hesitate as you are about to unlock your apartment door.
6. Wonder whether you actually locked the car or if you just think you did.
7. Walk down one flight of stairs.
9. Decide you definitely remember hearing your car make its customary short “I’m locking now, bitches!” horn beep.
10. Walk back up one flight of stairs.
12. Remember it’s better to be safe than sorry.
13. Walk down two flights of stairs.
14. Check on car, which was in fact locked.
15. Press lock button on keyless entry remote for good measure.
16. Walk back to stairwell.
17. Trip on first step and fumble keyless entry remote.
18. Worry you may have pressed unlock button by accident during fumble.
19. Go back and check that car is still locked.
20. Tuck car keys safely away in coat pocket.
21. Walk up two flights of stairs.